An inevitable part of life is change, and every single one of us will experience it regularly. Some changes are subtle and go unnoticed, while others happen so quickly and intensely, we are forced to experience the full impact, with no option but to completely reassess our priorities, way of being, and worldview. Depending on the type of change we experience and the current stage of our life, how we respond can determine the outcome. This, of course, can be influenced by further change and a different outcome, but we won’t go there today.

If we look at the three basic stages of change: endings, a neutral zone and new beginnings, I wonder how much importance we place on the neutral zone and how many of us are trying to jump straight from endings into new beginnings. As we grow up and engage in society, many of us are taught inadvertently not to feel. The child will be told stop crying or don’t be sad, and the adult will hear well meaning sentences that begin with at least you … and you should be happy that … When we deny or avoid our feelings and rush to find something – anything – that will make us feel better, we miss the step to build valuable emotional intelligence and resilience. Furthermore, the constant search or rushing through the stage often leads us toward patterns that keep us stuck or make things worse in the long run.

The neutral zone is not a permanent stop, but giving ourselves time here allows us to breathe and unpack, better positioning us to move forward with strength, clarity and intention.

For anyone familiar with author Russ Harris’s book The Happiness Trap, you will know that the concept of happiness so many are chasing is a myth. It explains why when we chase something external such as the thing eg. the better car, bigger house, latest gadget, higher paying job, in an attempt to be happy, we are often left wondering why it doesn’t feel as good as we thought it would, or why the good feeling is only temporary before we are off looking for that next thing to make us happy(ier).

I am all for striving to be better, and I love and enjoy nice things. I advocate for setting goals to achieve wins in life, but I believe that, in addition to this, living by our values is essential and a more sustainable path than solely living by goals that are set, achieved, and done. When we live by our values, we make choices that bring us closer to how we want to live and the life picture we desire, which usually involves us being happy 😊. And so, life is not about being happy all the time, but rather navigating inevitable obstacles while choosing who we are going to be and how we will turn up in the world.

When we approach life with a growth mindset and are open to experiencing new things (change and feelings included), our minds and worldview are expanded. We are then in a stronger position to know what we like and what we don’t, adding another tool in our kit to build the wonderful life we yearn for.

I watched a couple of TED talks recently, one on how to know your life purpose and the other on the four phases of retirement. What struck me most was how much both emphasised selflessness and being in service to others. It highlighted the importance not just for living a meaningful life, but how it becomes an essential element for healthy ageing and creating a retirement filled with purpose, joy and satisfaction that comes from knowing who we are and doing what we love.

I am conscious that I have run with a lot of thoughts and ideas today, and each one could be an article in itself, so let me try and bring it all together.

Change is not something to rush through or resist – it is the landscape where we discover who we are. When we allow ourselves to feel, honour and move through endings, sit in the quiet uncertainty of the neutral zone, and step into new beginnings guided by our values, we create a life that is rich and meaningful. Happiness then becomes less about chasing the shiny thing, or the next achievement and more about living in alignment with what feels true to us and what matters most. Perhaps the greatest gift we can give ourselves and others then is to live with purpose, using our time and talents to be of service. In doing so, we take the focus off ourselves, ironically create deeper meaning in our own lives while fostering a sense of connection, joy and love in the world around us.

Much Love
Dalya & Ben xx 💙