My phone rang. As soon as I saw the name I could feel the excitement and a huge smile on my face. “Hello!! My goodness, it’s been forever!! HOW ARE YOU??” I paused. “Hello? Hello?” Ha! she had pocket dialed me! I knew this would be a lengthy and long overdue catch up so I made a mental note to call her back another time. I wanted to give her my full attention.
How wonderful to hear from her again I thought. It had been a couple of years since I’d seen her last. We had gotten together for lunch about 10 months after Ben and we had reminisced on the long conversations we had always had talking about life, love, and how fabulously wonderful our boys were.
That day as we sat together over fish, neither of us had the words as we talked about Ben and the disbelief we both felt that he wasn’t here anymore.
We were not particularly close but when we did talk it was one of those wonderfully special friendships that you just pick up where you left off. We’d pour out the recent weeks or month’s worth of news to each other, usually both trying to talk at the same time. She taught me a lot and was definitely one of those people who lit up the room.
I was so looking forward to speaking with her again. I smiled and continued on with my day feeling uplifted for having seen her name on my screen.
You would think I would know better. You would think I would know how precious time is, and I like to think I do, but do I really? I thought of her often over the last few weeks and kept thinking I really need to call her. It had been over a month now since she called me and each time she crossed my mind I couldn’t help but smile.
This week my phone whistled indicating a new text message. I saw her name come up again and my face once again lit up. Now we could talk I thought and it would be so great!
I opened the message and read it. It was from her husband. ‘Hi Dalya J here, S died today of an aggressive cancer…’
I am sure my heart stopped beating for a second. I stared at the message and read it again. This time I called the number straight back and my ears were flooded with the sound of her happy voice on her answering machine. My eyes filled instantly as I was enveloped with a heavy cloak of sadness.
I sit here writing this post just hours after reading the text. Honestly, I don’t know how to feel and I don’t know what to think. So many I could have’s… I should have’s come to mind but I know how futile that road is to go down, so I won’t, and I don’t.
We have limited time here and we don’t know when it’s up so make it count and don’t put things off.
People come into your life for a reason, a season, and a lifetime.
The legacy we leave behind is how we are remembered and how we made people feel. It’s never about how much stuff we have, the accolades we achieve, or even how much we know. And it’s never about how much money we accumulated.
Every single day we put things off thinking ‘I have time, (or I haven’t got time), I’ll get to that later…’. We procrastinate with an attitude of I’ll do it tomorrow. Yet we all know that tomorrow never comes. All we have is this moment. We only have now.
Part of me can’t help but wonder, of all the people on my phone that I haven’t spoken to in such a long time, it was her that pocket dialled me that day and I was so thrilled to hear from her.
And so, my dear friend, today I say fly high to you, gorgeous lady. You will be remembered always and forever and were a huge part of a big four-year chapter of my life. I will remember you being there when times were tough. I will remember our long conversations and the advice you gave always reassuring me I could do anything I set my mind to. I am sorry I didn’t call you back, even though you didn’t mean to call me in the first place… unless you did. And I would give anything to have that long cheery catchup call with you.
When you get to where you’re going, give my gorgeous boy a hug. I’m so glad you’ll finally get to meet him. Tell him I know he’s around and I love and miss him more than I can put words to.
And if you happen to get a moment, drop me a message. I promise I’ll give it my full attention this time. Rest now knowing you made a huge difference … I will miss you … And I love you lots…
Dalya xx 💙