Two Spaces, Two Opportunities, Two Choices

Two Spaces, Two Opportunities, Two Choices

I found myself in a small room of like-minded people. Whilst everyone had a different background and a different story, there were two things that brought us all together. Each of us is committed to making a difference and to making a change, in the community, in the country and in the world. For this group, the change is in an area of life that affects every human on the planet with no exceptions. And each one of us is doing it in honour of the child(ren) we have lost… 💙

The power and positive energy that filled the room and the incredible emotion behind it all was amazing. I don’t know if there are even words to fully describe. You just felt it! Each person in that room had a heart overflowing with love that is often invisible in every-day life and despite many of us being strangers, I know that we all felt it. Yet each one also had a strength, like an invisible superpower that drove us and as a group it felt like we might be bullet proof.

When you are committed to something, you will do whatever it takes, no matter what the cost.

My mind drifts back to my IVF journey. During that time, nothing else mattered, not work, not money. In that moment, every part of me was laser focused on the goal, which was to do whatever was within my power to have a child. I knew the cost emotionally and otherwise, and on the deepest level of my being I also knew it was worth it. I can stand here today and say that even after everything that has happened, I would do it all again.

I suppose it is not unlike the alcoholic or drug addict that decides enough is enough. They are single focused on the steps they need to take, they aren’t always sure how it will work out, but only know it will, it must! Every single day they fight off urges, distractions, nay-sayers and other temptations and every day they grow stronger. There is a switch that has gone on in their head and they know what they want. In that moment nothing else matters except sobriety.

My respect and admiration goes out to all those that continue on a journey of challenge whatever it may be. I am inspired by those that have succeeded and are creating and experiencing the wonderful things in life.

I know they are changed as people and like most things eg. Creating change, or maintaining sobriety, it is a process and not an event.

In that room, there was an underlying understanding that despite us having different opinions and experiences no one would be judged, and everyone was respected and it was safe to be real. We were there to share and to collectively create the foundation that will ultimately make a difference. We were there to start to build the path that will pave the way for other parents and children who will experience what we had …. but with a difference.

As if in complete contrast, also this week, I found myself in a very different space. A space where judgement was strong, and opinions were also openly shared but with no regard to the truth, intentions, facts or consequences. A space where the energy felt thick and toxic and instead of feeling goose bumps it brought disbelief, sadness and betrayal. Just writing this, and remembering, it is easy to feel the difference. The lightness and positive energy and desire to do better, of one space and the heaviness and negative energy with the need to blame and play the victim of the other.

Resilience is developed by going through things in life. It is a characteristic some of us consciously or unconsciously build up over our time here, by the way we act and react in a variety of scenarios. It can be a powerful coping mechanism. As we move through life, it strengthens us and enables us to better deal with the next event coming around the corner… and there’s always something around the corner.

The child that is supported but also allowed to experience life including some struggles and uncomfortable moments, will build this resilience from a young age and I believe will grow into strong and empowered adults. These are the game changers, the difference makers and the leaders in the world.

We continually experience that we cannot control many things that happen in life. We can only decide how we will see things and choose how to react or play our next move. Life is a game and it’s called ‘Choose your own adventure’.

This week I got to experience two very different spaces … and I am glad I did! I got the opportunity to remember who I want to be and that I can only control me.

During a recent conversation I was reminded me of a comment my grandmother had made “just because you’re having a bad day, why should I suffer?”

I picked up a few groceries and as I went through the checkout, I recognised the young man that had served me several times before. I smiled back at him and commented that he was always so chipper and happy and it was so nice to consistently be greeted with a smile and friendly ‘hello’ 😊 He stopped scanning and giving me 100% of his attention, he replied that he felt he owed it to others to be positive and happy. I was instantly reminded of my grandmothers’ comment.

And so, as we enter a new month, I am grateful for the good people in my life. I am grateful for those that are consistent. I am grateful for what I have learnt so far and what I will learn in the future and I am grateful for the positive and energetic spaces available for me to experience every single day should I choose to.

Most of all, I am so grateful that in Ben’s honour I CAN and WILL make a difference and together with so many of you we can know without a doubt, that through our words and actions and emotion, the community, country and world WILL BENefit.

Much Love

Dalya xx💙

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