This week marked the end of the first quarter of 2023.
How has your year been so far? Did you set any goals and are you achieving them?

The annoying thing about goals is that we can’t set them until we know where we are right now, which sometimes is not obvious – And we don’t necessarily know where we might be tomorrow or even later today. Perhaps then, the more important questions might be, where are you right now? where do you want to be, by when? and WHY?

I am a big fan of reflection and few people have gotten out of my space without hearing, do you do any reflective journaling or ever write your thoughts down? Whether that means taking a quiet moment in the garden with a coffee (or wine) or pouring your heart into a notebook, however you choose to reflect is positive. And yes, I encourage you to do it. I have found it to be a powerful tool not just for setting goals but for realising how far you have come. Surprisingly, we have almost always come further than we think.

Reflection also allows us to look at our experiences and see what worked, what didn’t, and what we learned along the way.

Remember it’s about progress not perfection.

I saw the following image this week posted in a bereavement group I am part of. It describes me perfectly!

I made the following comment “Sure I look in the mirror and see a Superhero cape most of the time but behind glassy eyes we are all missing elements of the people we used to be and sometimes the love we have for our kids rolls uncontrollably down our cheeks.“

In matters of grief and loss, it can feel like a huge weight pushing us into the ground. Like we are carrying huge sacks of cement on our shoulders and struggling to step forward.

The overwhelm is real and can be emotionally and physically suffocating. In reality this could go for any experience we might have where we feel like we are drowning and I can assure you, it’s all relative.

I am doing a lot of work with young people at the moment and kids most would give a ‘wide berth’ to if we saw them in the street. Every one of these kids has a back story and being privileged to hear some of them, it’s no wonder they sometimes act the way they do.

Don’t confuse this with me suggesting our history excuses bad behaviour, it doesn’t, but it can often explain why we respond the way we do. Reflection allows us to consider our story and change the narrative allowing us to make better choices moving forward. Our attitude alone can play a huge part in how we turn up each day and what our day ultimately looks like.

And sometimes it’s okay to say, I’m not turning up today, I’ll try again tomorrow. The strength is found not in never falling down, but in acknowledging the fall and deciding to get back up again anyway. None of us are immune to life’s challenges.

One of the qualities I always admire(d) in Ben was his persistence. It was never so much a case of IF he could achieve something but HOW he could. This didn’t mean obstacles and challenges didn’t come up – they did, but when he was focussed on something he didn’t give up.

In his final year of primary school, he went for the position of School Captain. An adult said to him at the time, ‘Don’t get your hopes up…’ and I can tell you he was less than impressed. I asked him what his response was and excuse the language but he replied, ‘I said, well aren’t you a fkn little ray of sunshine!!’

Needless to say, Ben did become school captain that year 💙

We will all have days where we just need to concentrate on putting one foot in front of the other and repeating the process, even if it feels like we are wearing concrete shoes. Life will never be easy all the time. It is a process of ebb and flow. A balance of crap and awesome. Sometimes you’re the pigeon other times the lamppost. A point to remember is that it never remains one way or the other.

I hope the following quote lifts you up and maybe comes to mind as you navigate bumpy times ahead.

Sometimes all you need is 20 seconds of insane courage.
Just literally 20 seconds of just embarrassing bravery.
And I promise you, something great will come of it.”
– Matt Damon as Benjamin Mee in the movie – We Bought a Zoo

Much Love
Dalya xx 💙