It has been an amazing and somewhat surreal week on so many levels. This story began back in 1999… Well, really, many years before that as you may read in my book.
21 years ago seems like a lifetime and I suppose for a lot of you that weren’t even born, it literally WAS a lifetime ago. The reasons changed over time for me publishing this book and back then, I never expected it to be read by anyone other than me and perhaps a few close friends and family.
This week, my reasons for publishing were different. We know the story today, but I wanted to share with people the beginning. It was the first step in me being able to keep Ben’s name alive, out there, and long into the future. I also hope my ‘naked’ words will bring some laughs, tears and comfort for those going through their own challenges, be it IVF or something else.
So, this is the story of how Ben came to be, how much he was and still is loved and how much effort, and emotion went into having him. I can honestly say that Benjamin Sam Shaw was created out of pure love.
As things unfold in the months and years to come, I want the world to remember my angel and continue his legacy of giving and loving for long into the future.
So I thought a lot about Ben this week and who he was and it made me wonder… who am I??
As our time goes by we accomplish many things, fulfil many roles, have many adventures, and wear many masks. Many chapters in our own life books open and close and we learn many things. As the years go by, we create a bank full of memories and experience a range of emotions. I personally have cried so many times until my eyes were swollen and sore and the skin under my nose literally peeled from blowing so much. I have also laughed until the tears poured down my cheeks and I couldn’t breathe. I have been blessed to have experienced so many different emotions, (sometimes all at the same time 😊) many that have rocked me to the core.
So this week I tick the box of ‘Published Author’ and I wonder really what that means? Sure it is another accomplishment but does it explain who I really am? Does anyone else ask this question – Who am I??
The more I pondered this, the more I came to the following conclusion. I believe we move through life having numerous encounters, playing countless roles, living through and participating in a range of events and all the while we are actually experiencing little pieces of the complete being, of who we really are …
With each occurrence, we choose how we react to our circumstances and become stronger or not. We can take these experiences and become wiser or not. Sometimes events can make us more determined or not, more resilient or not, more transparent or not, more loving or not. Maybe that is our choice and therefore there is no one definitive answer to the question Who Am I? Perhaps who we are, is really who we choose ourselves to be in each moment of our time and who we ‘believe’ ourselves to be in that moment.
I also believe that at the end of the day Ben experienced the holistic answer of who he really was and understood everything that we cannot begin to comprehend yet.
As each day goes by, may we always strive to be the greatest most grandest version we can imagine of ourselves and create the person we call ‘I’.
Much Love Dalya xx💙