A man ties his dog to a post while he goes into a shop. Instantly the dog begins to howl and whine.
The shop owner asks the man, ‘What’s wrong with your dog?’
The man replies, ‘He’s sitting on a nail’.
‘Why doesn’t he get off the nail?’ questions the shop owner
‘I guess it’s not hurting him enough.’ said the man.
I am amazed at how many people howl and whine about their life but then don’t do anything about it.
They develop a chip on their shoulder and insist, I can’t! I can’t do anything about it! They list all the people who have done them wrong and all the crappy things that have happened in their life resulting in their current circumstances. They blame the world, ‘if only they had done that or not done this, I wouldn’t be in the situation I am…’ as if saying it out loud changes things.
Some slip into victim mode believing they cannot change their circumstances, which of course further perpetuates their reality. So let’s clarify a few things …
You are not what you feel.
You are not your thoughts or your actions.
Your circumstances are not who you are – they are simply your circumstances.
I have said before we live in a microwave society. We want things now. Fast food, one-hour delivery, high speed internet. We have lost all concepts of delayed gratification and most of us have no clue how to enjoy the journey instead focussing solely on the destination.
This traps us into believing that we cannot be happy until we either get to the destination or attain the ‘thing’. When I get the big house, I’ll be happy. When I get a good partner, I’ll be happy. When I get a good job, earn lots of money, lose weight, [insert anything you like in here] … I’ll be happy.
Fact 1. Happy is found within, not something we will ever attain externally.
Fact 2. When we are happy everything else comes. And I mean everything.
If you want a great partner, then BE that kind of person. Be what you think a great partner would be. If you want a great job then show the world that you have all the qualities a person in a great job requires. This includes initiative, confidence, self-drive, integrity, and compassion.
So you had an awful experience? Then do something because you had that awful experience. It’s something you have that no one else has. Make that your super power! There are so many ways to flip a negative situation, we just have to be open-minded enough and open to receive.
Someone asked me once, how I do so much work in the bereavement space. Isn’t it sad and emotionally triggering? Sure – it can be, but I use my negative experience to propel me forward. It drives me to make a difference. My WHY is strong and permanent.
I know that I have something special that no one else on the planet can claim.
I am Ben’s mum.
If Ben was still here physically, I can almost guarantee you I wouldn’t be where I am today. Absolutely, I would be somewhere else, doing something just as great, but it probably wouldn’t be what I’m currently doing in bereavement support. And yet, I take Ben with me into everything I do, every talk or presentation I give, every piece of writing, every minute of support. He never leaves me. Not ever.
No one else has the exact same experience you have because it’s YOUR experience.
Every time I witness a strong person, I want to know,
What darkness did you conquer in your story?
Our challenges are our teachers and the doorways to new opportunities should we choose to walk through them. This doesn’t stop us from having more rough days or moments where we want to quit or sit on the floor and cry, and it doesn’t make us automatically happy. But what are the alternatives? A mediocre life that lacks substance and purpose? No thanks!
Your time is limited. Don’t waste it by living someone else’s life.
Steve Jobs
Don’t be trapped by other people’s thinking.
And whatever you do…
Don’t give up on tomorrow because of the way things look today
So much of our pain can be relieved by simply starting, and doing something small – like the dog getting off the nail.
Much Love
Dalya xx 💙