Some months ago, you made a decision guided by what can only be described as a need or an inner calling, to go on a journey. I watched you prepare over this time and saw the tears fall, as you often became bewildered by the emotions you were experiencing. You told yourself your ‘sponge’ was too full, you were to capacity and put the overwhelming sadness and often anxiety, down to your day to day life and your current circumstances. All very logical and rational explanations of course, but deep down you knew it wasn’t just that.
The day arrived when you would walk the path away from your current world, into another. You didn’t fully appreciate the enormity of this at the time, but I always knew. I was ready and excited, but nothing could have prepared you for what you would experience. The threshold crossed over, something would be awakened deep within you and you would never be the same. The fallout would be much bigger than you imagined and would continue for weeks, months and even years to come.
I walked with you as I always have, like a wave is always part of the ocean, as you took steps away from the known and into the unknown. I was exhilarated and high in anticipation that you would finally be able to hear me. I held you, as did others, as you went through a multitude of emotions, nerves, anxiety, fear, exhilaration, panic, fear, hope, fear, courage, fear… I always knew what would happen and welcomed the change, but with your limited consciousness, you couldn’t have begun to imagine.
Your initiation was ceremonial, and this would become a significant and powerful part of your journey. You had mouthed that you wanted life and death to have meaning for so long and now you would fully appreciate these words. Every step you would take and everything you were to go through, would have incredible and deeper meaning. There would be an overwhelming sense of joy, peace, love, gratitude, and a deeper acknowledgement and appreciation of something so much bigger than you, earth, your universe, your galaxy and whatever else is bigger than that.
Much of what would come to pass you would never be able to explain and for the most part you wouldn’t even try.
There would be no words in your language to adequately describe this journey. You would simply say to people ‘you have to experience it’. You would be reminded of the fact that to know something is so, and to experience it, are two very different things. The quote ‘never trade your own experience for someone else’s words about anything important’, would come to mind.
I knew, and you would come to know as well, that when you remove your so-called human obligations, other people’s opinions and the worlds expectations as well as every possible unnatural distraction, the only thing left is you. You and your mind. You and your presence. You and the now.
There are monks that say our identity is a mirror covered in dust. When you first look in it, your values and who you are is obscured. Clearing the mirror might not be pleasant but it is only when the dust is gone that you can see your true reflection.
It is only in the silence, the stillness, and the calm that you can differentiate between the outside world’s noise and your (my) (our) voice.
You were awake long before first light on the morning of your departure and in silence, in a heightened sense of anxiety and with big tears rolling down your cheeks, you nodded in acknowledgement to those that would protect you on your quest. You looked briefly but intensely into the flames of the fire and I watched you walk away towards the path that would change you at your deepest core level. I knew you would never be the same again. I smiled and was full only of the deepest most intense and inexplicable love. I knew the words you repeated were true, ‘You’ve got this! We’ve got this!’
To be continued…
Dalya xx 💙