I heard the phrase years ago that perception is belief. Today I know that our perception is not always accurate, and we can manipulate it based on what we want to see and what we want to believe.
Over the last few years, I have experienced the value of removing myself from daily life, at least once a year, for a week or more at a time. This time out allows me to see a lot more of the bigger picture and also gives me the space to stop… breathe… and take a step back from the clutter of the everyday stuff. With each little adventure, I am reminded and continually surprised at how much importance I have placed on things that really aren’t important at all.
These periods of space have also given me a chance to unplug from the grid and refocus on the beauty and power of silence. And with each return, I am mentally, emotionally, and spiritually expanded. Judgement of myself and others is removed and I am aware of things I would usually miss – the magnificent colours of the sky as the sun rises or sets and the flight path of the bees buzzing around new flowers in bloom.
Sometimes as parents we can see getting away for a few days alone as a selfish activity but I know when I come back, I bring a much better version of myself into everything I do. My mind drifts to a memory of Ben pushing me to go to yoga, “Are you going to yoga tonight mum? I can do anything here that needs to be done here. You need to go!’ He would have been 14yo and yet wise beyond his earthly years.
We have all heard the phrase Seeing is Believing. What if Believing is Seeing.
Our human mind is designed to protect us from the unknown as it anticipates and calculates possible threats. It mostly does a good job of keeping us safe but can also act as a barrier to accessing the incredible power that we all have within us, simply because we can’t see it. This untapped resource holds vast potential and knowledge as well as the tools for each of us to live extraordinary lives.
On the other side, society encourages us to believe that we are our thoughts, and our circumstances are who we are.
The articles and posts that we read and images we see on a variety of platforms can quickly lead us to believe that everyone else is doing better than us. Everyone is happier than us, is more successful than us, and have it much more ‘together’ than us. It’s easy to compare or judge ourselves based on a snippet of the whole picture. I am reminded of the saying, never compare your beginning to someone else’s middle.
I was asked recently if I read much after Ben and what type of books I was drawn to. The answer was easy😊 – Everything I could get my hands on about life after (physical) death! I was already a believer but now having experienced my own incomprehensible loss, I wanted to know more.
What happens when we die? and where had Ben and the others gone?
I steered away from authors sharing their own epistles of tragedy and grief with no strategy or direction toward the positive. I already knew what it was like to be heartbroken and didn’t need to surround myself with more painful stories of loss.
Ironically, today I find my happy place being at the center of grief and loss. My days are spent mostly in the bereavement space, filled with other people’s stories of loss and finding ways to best support them.
Age can be one of those things we place a lot of importance on. And yet in death age doesn’t matter. The age of the person who passed doesn’t change the heartbreak of the person left behind, and their age is also irrelevant. We all experience grief in some form even if we don’t allow ourselves to feel it. And ignoring it doesn’t make it go away.
For me, this space is a heartbreaking but not morbid one. It is about truly gaining perspective and choosing what I want to see and what I want to believe. It has presented an opportunity to know what it feels like to make a difference. And as each day dawns, I chose to make my time count. And most importantly with each new day, I get to honour my boy Ben and all the other beautiful children that have also crossed over, before and after him.
One of the hardest things about losing a child is not having them physically present. And it is in these moments of sadness that we need to remind ourselves they are always with us and we are always with them. We hold them in our hearts, and in our minds, and if we choose, we can bring them into all the other things we do and see each day.
Our relationship does not end when someone we love dies, it just continues in a different form. And so, perhaps the perception we create is dependent on what we want to see and what we choose to believe.
Dalya xx 💙